Rotary Fun


The weekly luncheon meeting of the Columbus Indiana Rotary club back in 1985 was a gathering of the community’s top echelon of business, legal, medical, and political movers and shakers. I was the Rotary club president. That in itself was no big deal as it was a one-year hitch and many members got their turn in the barrel—to use an off-color metaphor. However, I saw our membership as being a great audience and an opportunity to add a little humor to our normally no-nonsense meetings.

Conducting my first meeting as president I said how proud I was to serve as head of such a prestigious organization. I certainly understood my responsibility to continue to conduct our meetings with the dignity and decorum the members had come to expect. With that, I ducked down behind the podium and seconds later emerged wearing a red brassiere and a fright wig. I thought my vice-president sitting beside me at the head table was going to spit his pea soup all over his white shirt. We were off on what would become a memorable year.

Members were assigned various tasks for each meeting such as program chairman and song leader. I announced at the beginning of my term, there would be a quarterly award recognition for the month’s best in each category. Initially that award luncheon included the winners sitting in the center of the room at a special table draped in white linen with candlestick candelabras. Award winners were greeted and led to the table by a tuxedo dressed board member and entertained during the lunch by strolling violinists.

The following quarterly award luncheons got even more extreme; one being set in a Japanese décor. Food was provided by kimono attired waitresses serving our pillow seated winners before low tables. The room was decorated with Japanese airline posters and lanterns. I had a children’s Suzuki violin assemble provide the entertainment.

The last award luncheon was a beach scene complete with palm trees supplied by our Sears store manager after a just held summer promotion. A thousand pounds of sand had been spread on tarps to complete the scene. Flowered leis were given to all the winners of course, and entertainment was provided by a local belly dancing troupe who dressed in grass skirts and danced a hula.

My favorite gig was roasting Rotary members on their birthday. I’d have each celebrant come to the front of the room to be recognized and embarrassed. I might start the roast by saying, “Today we honor a man who brought this club to new heights as fostered by Rotary International. A man who has demonstrated the ideals of service above self in both business and personal relationships. A man who has led this club to new levels of esteem and honor. But that’s enough about me … what about our birthday boy.”

I used my sons for several of the attics I pulled. The Purdue/Indiana rivalry was a great source of fun. I had no strong allegiance either way but since my company was homebased in Lafayette, decided I would declare myself a passionate Purdue supporter. I had a large eight by four-foot banner made that was rolled up hanging behind the podium. It was dramatically unfurled whenever Purdue won a sports contest beating IU. The banner proclaimed, “Purdue is THE Indiana University.”

One time I had my oldest son costumed in a cheerleader outfit with an old lady mask, run into the room waving pom-poms, and concluded a Purdue cheer by flipping up a short skirt reveling underpants inscribed with “Go Purdue.”

Rotary since its founding had always been an all-male organization. In 1985 a few clubs across the land had started admitting female members. Columbus was still all male, but the Arvin CEO suggested I might have some fun with that subject. How right he was.

Therefore, at one of the meetings, I announced “I have decided to put my chauvinism aside and nominate the first woman for membership in the Columbus Rotary Club. The entire room suddenly gasped in disbelief.

My candidate was actually my costumed middle son hidden in the next room. Initially, the introduction of the female was very laudatory; University of Chicago graduate, President of her Junior and Senior class, Army veteran serving as a WASP pilot, and Black Belt instructor in Karate. But then my description took on a rebellious tone. I said she organized the John Birch Society in Illinois, participated in the Bay of Pigs Invasion, and had never married because she said she wouldn’t marry a man who couldn’t out-cuss, out-shoot, and out-drink her … and she never met one who could.

By then, the club suspected a joke and was smiling when I opened the door and introduced Stella Stallone, my 15-year-old son wearing an old lady rubber mask and short skirt with cartridge belts of ammunition and hand grenades strapped across a well-padded sweater.

Singing Rotary songs was part of our weekly meetings. I would occasionally take over the song leader role by introducing a self-composed tune. Even after my year as president ended, I was often asked to provide a roasting song in celebration of some individual. I still have a folder of dozens of songs. An example follows commemorating the end of a presidential term of a man named Randy. Randy frequently used the word “basically” in his comments.

Good-bye, Randy

(The tune “Hello Dolly” was stolen from this song.)

 

Good-bye, Randy. Well, good-bye, Randy,

It’s so nice to send you back where you be-long!

You don’t ex-cel Randy. Let’s not dwell, Randy.

You’re still ow-in, you’re not snow-in this know-in throng.

 

We hear the room pray-in that you’re not stay-in,

One more day than we can stand.

So get his plaque fell-as,

Find him a seat in back, fellas.

 

He is basic-ally gone today,

Basic-ally, he is gone today.

Randy is really gone today. Hoo-ray!

4 thoughts on “Rotary Fun

  1. Jim, Sounds like you had a lot of fun during your term as el-Presidente. We could use you down here controlling the meetings of the Vista Sonoma Homeowners Association. Put a little spice in our get togethers.

  2. Loved it! As always! I’m still pretending to be a writer in Missouri/Florida.

  3. Another hilarious story. “Enough about me …. what about the birthday boy!” I wonder if Eric remembers dressing up like a Purdue cheerleader?

  4. I had no idea Eric and Chris played central roles in some of those gigs! I don’t think I’ve ever seen pictures of it but I’d love to if they exist!

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